Old age brings change and loss and with it dependency, isolation, loneliness and depression. But it can also be a time of great spiritual growth and awareness and for some, a celebration of wisdom borne of experience.
Irrespective of the age, all of us share the basic human needs, love out of which is the most paramount need for the healthy existence of man. We long to love and be loved for more than anything else in this world. Love joins us to the other; it connects us and inspires us. It is clear that at the beginning of our life and also at the end, love expressed is the most valued thing. A need of a companion to talk to, express the love and share your life with is an elixir.
Older people are no different and certainly these needs can take on a particular poignancy in old age. Old age, as it is, is looked upon with apprehension. The depletions of ageing multiply with the loss of role, bereavement and domicile. Older people with the growing physical limitations and their dwindling family responsibilities are left out feeling lonely and neglected. The loneliness aggravates when they separate with their better half due to the inevitable truth of life –death. The death of the spouse at old age leaves the individual shattered. With their own children and grandchildren busy juggling between their jobs and family it is difficult to find anyone who is willing to listen to stories of their childhood and how things were “back in those days.” But, that is exactly what many seniors need right now – to talk about what their life was like as a child or as a young adult; to feel like their life was important then and is still important to someone other than themselves.
Loneliness which comes in with the loss of a spouse is a tragic poverty that strikes the elderly .At this age, when the need of a companion is of utmost importance, the loss of the significant other is unbearable and has a toll on the physical and mental health of the individual. It’s crucial to have a companion who can fulfil on the elderly’s need of belongingness. Many old people, who have endured an unhappy married life or left alone at the last moments in their lives, find the company of a like minded soul pleasurable. When the two souls start finding solace in each other’s company, a thought creeps into the elderly as they approach the dusk of their lives as to why can’t they stay together in their last years and enjoy the moments. When these two individuals are of the opposite sex, the controversies arise. The platonic relationship that the two individuals share is not welcomed by the society, their family and friends.
Few years back in India, two elderly couple got married and few weeks later had lodged a police complaint against their own children physically abusing them. This physical assault was because the children were against the marriage of their respective parents. They leaving behind their busy schedules came back to their hometown where their parents lived to inflict them pain. As for the children it is a sin that their parents had committed, as marriage in the old age is not approved by the society. The families feared that their own children would not get married since no sensible family would want to get associated with a family where the grandparents still enjoy their honeymoon.
I won’t say that the concern they had bring forth wasn’t genuine. It surely was, but then we are the ones who makes this society. All of us are the integral part of it. We are the ones who define the norms of our culture. For sure, the society smirks at the couple, who choose to marry at their old age, but these people in the society can never guess the terrible loneliness or dilemmas that they had endured in life. They may not be living together for the sensual pleasures at their old age. The comfort that they derive from each other's company may be beyond our imagination. One thing that is even more outside of our imagination is the acceptance of any such need of our own parents and grandparents. Love seems to be ‘the thing’ for youth , but the thought that even that’s how our elders think seems to be difficult to adapt and swallow. But the truth is, love has no age. Being a social animal that human being is, he would constantly need the warmth, emotional security, and comfort around him and it’s high time we as the youth understand what our elders want. We being stuck and busy with our own life, if we cannot provide them the time that they need we at least can always support them on their choices in life at the age they are rather than opposing and rebelling the issue. We can understand, respect and appreciate the requirements of an individual and not judge and evaluate their needs and wants as derogatory.
We might not see a lot of people expressing what they want but if and when they do the least we can do is appreciate it and respect it , the way we want our needs and wants to be understood and respected. If you are the children to those couple, just imagine the happy moments that they had sacrificed for your well being. Even now, a single consent from your side may make their lives blissful at the last period of time. You have the responsibility to ensure at least that much happiness to your parents.
Upasana Chaddha
